To My Noah,
I had court today that went my way. I prayed a lot about it and it worked. I couldn't sleep last night because I was nervous. I took a nap today after we ate lunch at Monterrey's, and I got a late start to writing. My Aunt Marie said that she doesn't know how I slept with all of the noise, but it's because of my parents partying as a kid. I can sleep through anything.
Speaking of my parents, I haven't talked much about my mom, Shelly. She passed away in 2022 during my four year fake light being attack. We had a very complicated relationship. She was bipolar and was always physically sick. I felt she was mean to me compared to my brothers. She thought I was a spoiled selfish brat.
My dad did spoil me for what we had in life, but I wasn't selfish that I know of. I took care of the other children while they partied. I was always over-responsible little adult in a child's body. My son is the same way, but Lexi has taken her childhood.
You are probably wondering if we saw my mom when she did. I didn't, but the kids did right after her death. They said they saw her at Matt's where I was when I talked to Nana after her death. The kids said they saw her standing by the stairs and told them not to be upset.
She was used in the four year attack, but we only had that one real encounter with her that I know of. I think she crossed over after her memorial, which is something many do from my understanding from other psychic mediums. I still don't know why some need help and others just cross over. I would've definitely helped her cross over if she needed it.
I dream about my mom a lot. I think she may be helping me from the other side as a guardian angel. I was going through something really bad, and she showed up in a dream with a friend of mine, Jeremy. My mom and Jeremy were helping me. I needed to feel loved at the time and having that dream helped me come out of the hard time I was in.
Soon after on my mom's birthday, I met a guy, Walt, at Nana's. I was off social media and had no way to get a hold of anyone. Walt mentioned drag racing, and I asked if he knew my friend Jeremy. He said he did know Jeremy. Before I knew it, Walt was calling Jeremy's dad and then Jeremy for me.
I reconnected with Jeremy, and he helped me through one of my hardest times. I still think my mom somehow sent Jeremy to me on her birthday after the dream. I think she was letting me know in the dream that Jeremy would help me, and he did.
I have dated Jeremy many times before, but something always goes wrong. We stayed friends this time because of all that we both have going on. He's another great guy, but things never work out romantically.
The earlier something goes wrong stems from younger me multiple times being too wild to settle down. The one that he left me in I will tell about. When I left Luke, Jeremy reconnected with me on my way back to South Carolina. This time I was a mother and adult ready to settle down.
He finally got what he seemed to have wanted. All was going well and we were planning a family with the kids. He even got a new truck that they could fit well in. I told him about my five year plan.
It went south when I had kidney stones. I had 25 years of repeat, tormenting kidney stones that I will tell you about. This day, I had Jeremy watch the kids while I went to the ER. It took hours at the ER. On the way back, I got into a finder bender, which delayed me more.
Jeremy was left alone with a 1.5 year old Lexi and 3.5 year old Logan. Jeremy has never been a husband or father, so he is inexperienced with children. Lexi had a poop diaper, and he told me how bad it was changing it. I will let Jeremy tell this story because he is messaging me about it right now.
Jeremy said that poop was awful. Logan told him that he smelled something when they were asleep on the couch. The poop ran down Lexi's back. Jeremy had to literally hold her entire body under running water in the bathtub to get it all off.
About a week later, he tells me that he can't do the relationship. I was devastated! He was the guy that always wanted me to calm down and be with him, but he called the relationship and family that I wanted off. I kept trying to find a suitable stepdad for the kids after that, but Jeremy was hard to replace. Jeremy and Logan both love racing.
I assumed all of these years and even told the story that Jeremy called things off over a bad poop diaper because it was too much. Recently, I talked to him about it and he said it was because he didn't feel good enough for me. I thought he was, and I was devastated.
I was even more devastated when Jeremy started dating a lady with older kids. He can date a lady with older kids, but not that poop in diapers is what it looked like. He let me know that that was the one and only diaper he's ever changed. LOL! It was a big misunderstanding that we finally cleared up with a grown-up talk. It was nice to clear up that it wasn't the poop diaper that ran him off, but insecurity instead.
I have a problem with guys being intimidated and not feeling good enough. I used to be super independent and combine that with my education, work history, looks, and guy friends, it was really intimidating for them. I still have most of those qualities, but I am not super independent anymore.
After all of these years of taking care of others, I am ready for My Noah to take care of me. I am exhausted after these past crazy eight years. I bet some reading are shocked to hear this. I am shocked I am finally saying it out loud.
Jeremy is a good example of a soulmate, although I doubt if he is my twin flame. Jeremy has been in and out of my life for 30 years and seems to be there when I need him. He even picked me up when I was running through the woods with karmic Wayne from the police as a teenager. I know I could be happy with him, but we have never had twin flame love.
I used soulmate and twin flame interchangeably before because most think of a soulmate as a twin flame. However, in the twin flame community, they are different. A soulmate has traveled with you in multiple lives and may have been your spouse in could be many lives, However, a twin flame is the ultimate soulmate, the other half of your soul in another body or your mirror soul. Most people think of soulmate as the twin flame not realizing that we have multiple soulmates in a soul family that has been together for a long time.
Many times twin flames get separated and can't be together in a life. Therefore, they support each other from the spirit world with a soulmate in that life who can be with you for your life. Twin flames obviously can't be jealous like many of the guys I've dated. And then in the end of times, many twin flames can finally come back together for good. In the twin flame community, we are in that time.
There is discrepancy on what a twin flame actually is. A mirror soul is your perfect match that mirrors you. In the split theory (main theory), one soul is split via masculinity and feminine and put in two bodies. In that theory, one twin has more of the higher intuitive chakras, usually the female with female intuition. And one twin has more of the lower physical chakras, usually the male with his more physical protective qualities. I will talk more about chakras later.
You have many soul mates, but only one twin flame. And you will have love for and companionship with your soulmates, but it doesn't compare to your twin flame. You will have past lives with your soulmates as different relationships: friend, child, spouse, parent, friend, etc.
The twin flame journey isn't easy if you are incarnated together. There is usually a runner twin and chaser twin. There is usually a long, painful separation where you go through many hard challenges in life and with other partners, some soulmates and some karmics (negative to teach you a lesson).
There are karmics that can be false twin flames that hurt you and soulmates you confuse as your twin flame that innocently serve as a false twin flame. Karmics hurt you maliciously. However, if soulmates hurt you, it's innocently, usually because of their own pain or problems they are dealing with. Jeremy's insecurity is a good example of this, not malicious, but a problem he was dealing with.
I have another soulmate Jason (another possible twin flame) that I cheated on drunk when I blacked out. I will talk to you later about what I think black outs are. I wouldn't have cheated sober and didn't even remember doing it. However, I hurt him and felt guilty, so I broke up with him hurting him further. Again, my problem of drinking way too much led me to hurt him, so it wasn't karmic malicious.
I have had people know about twin flames and do stuff to pretend to be my twin flame. Jonathan had a fake past life regression (worth $200) to make me think he was my twin flame, but I knew he wasn't because the love was not there. I will talk more about karmics and false twin flames later.
There is debate in the twin flame community whether everyone has a twin flame or if it's just some special group. Regardless, I know that I have a twin flame out there. I will not settle until I reunite. I will get my happy ending that is better than I can imagine.
The Notebook is a good story showing the difference between a soulmate and twin flame. Allie met Noah and got separated. He was her twin flame and it was a twin flame separation. While separated, she met Lon and was happy in love. However, she saw Noah and ended up leaving Lon for Noah.
Lon was a soulmate that she could've had a happy life with, but her twin flame was incarnated and available waiting on her. Noah was the chaser and Allie was the runner. She ultimately quit running and married him instead of Lon. She hurt Lon, but it wasn't malicious. She just loved Noah more. And she ended up with a family and a the best kind of love story.
Not all twin flames go through separation though. Some don't meet to separate. They just can't meet until it's time to be together. You have to be ready through trials and healing because it's an intense relationship, the most intense ever.
So why do I doubt that I know my twin flame? Well I am a little more open about that after writing about it today because of the twin flame separation being so prominent in the community and talking about it. I count not feeling intense love for anyone as not finding him, but it could be that I wasn't ready for this intense love and ran away. I am a runner by nature, so I would likely be the runner if I am in this dynamic.
I am going to bed. I haven't been able to go to sleep at night. I got two sets of great news today, so I am happily excited. I move tomorrow to a better place. I will talk to you tomorrow. Good night my love. š
Love Always,
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